Film Review – HAUNTED (3D)

It seems to me as if one morning Bhatt got up, and said to himself, “I’m gonna make a 3D movie. And make it I WILL!”… and he went ahead and did just that. Unfortunately for the audience, he was clearly confused about the theme of the movie. Whilst a part of him was determined to make a horror movie, the other part, subconsciously, perhaps, ended up making a 2+ hour comedy film with some horrible make-up and senseless story.

Let’s start from the top. This film had me laughing throughout. I’m a person who easily gets freaked out by even the most basic of horror movies, like Raaz. But Haunted 3D had me in splits throughout. May it be the basic storyline [ghost raping another ghost for 80 years, and a man wanting to put an end to it, so he somehow goes 80 years back in time to set things right], the direction [is it a horror or a comedy?], the performances [all the actors were TERRIBLE], the ideas [ghost’s cannot read… so if there’s one standing near you you can just talk to the normal person in front of you through, let’s say, SMSes, and the ghost would just be scratching his head. I mean… HAHA!], and the execution [movie sucks, basically].

What Sucks.

The performances. The only one who even close to knows what acting means, is the lead actor, who’s name I shall not try to Google right now because I don’t think he deserves that much importance. The others, the lead actress, the raping ghost, the house maid, the Sufi Saint, all of them, are, in one word, terrible.

The direction. Whilst there is definitely a flow, and there are a very few boring parts, I still don’t think that Bhatt has made his masterpiece yet. Oh sorry, I mean, I don’t think Vikram Bhatt has made his one movie that will truly be called a horror yet. And anyways, the performances are a reflection of the director’s efforts.

Slight Redeemers

Music… some of it is good. Like the piano themes, and the haunting song that the dead girl sings… others are very average.

3D is good. The only aspect of the film that was well done was the 3D. Of course, since that was apparently Bhatt’s only aim… one could say he fulfilled what he set out for in Haunted.

I seriously don’t know what to write about this, except that the whole theatre was laughing with us [the 3D has earned this movie a lot of house-fulls]. Most, I mean. And in the final 25 minutes are some of the funniest scenes that our industry has ever produced. It’s when the likes of Spider-Man, Source Code, Hera Pheri, Harry Potter and Bhatt all combine to give us the best dose of laughter ever!

So should you go for it?

Depends. Do you have free time? Are you a person easily scared? Or are you a person who likes to laugh at bad horror attempts? Do you seriously have more than two hours to do nothing?

Then go for it.

My Rating: 1/5.

I mean, I swear man. I have nothing else to write.